Falling into Fall---by Robin

Looking outside my window I am awed by the beauty of the leaves changing colors. The brillant reds, oranges and yellows displayed with the fading greens and also by long gone brown leaves; all seem to be welcoming the fall with ornate colors not displayed in previous years. I wonder if this simple phase of nature is a truely remarkable show of color or if perhaps the last few years the beauty was clouded by high ammonia levels due to liver failure secondary to Hepatitis C.
Clarity of mind is something most of us don't think about as young and middle age adults unless you are dealing with it on a personal level. It's like the question that I've heard posed..."would you rather have physical health or mental health" and I still don't know if there is a "suitable" response.
Losing the ability to remember and then being in a position to have mental clarity is something few will experience. I remember being in ICU after receiving my liver and having the cognition to remember names and faces. I vividly remember looking at all the lines going into and coming out of my body and stating "my urine is so pale, it's not tea-colored" after looking at my catheter bag. I remember the initial anxiety I felt when I did not receive my dose of medication that helped clear my body of the toxic ammonia (I now had a healthy, functioning liver and would never need that medication again). I remember events that perhaps would have been best to remain forgotten. I remember the look on my husband's face when he initially saw me after my surgery.
Falling into fall, I am awed with the beauty of the season and also the beauty of what organ donation has done for me. I have clarity. I can follow a conversation. I can respond to a question appropriately. I can remember.
I still don't know the answer as to whether I would rather have physical health or mental clarity because they came hand in hand for me, a packaged deal. Without one, I would not have had the other. Without my donor family, I would have neither.